Living With Grief
Many people feel alone in their grief, not realizing that others have similar thoughts and experiences. These articles are based on personal experience and intended to provide a sense community for those experiencing grief.
Gifts From My Daughter on Her Birthday
Today is my daughter’s birthday. If she were still alive, Margareta would have been 10-years-old. Since I can no longer buy presents for my daughter on her birthday, I’d like to share with you a few of the gifts she has given me…
Anticipation of a Difficult Day is Always Worse than the Day Itself
Starting this week, there is a rapid succession of difficult days ahead. That is…I anticipate they’ll be difficult. Anticipation can work one of two ways: it can imagine the best-case scenario…or it can imagine the worst. So when we anticipate a difficult grief trigger, it tends to bring up all the worst-case scenarios our imaginative minds can conjure up…
The Big Lie of Happily Ever After
We first hear it as little kids in our bedtime stories. When we’re older, we see it repeated again and again in countless movies. We’re even told we can buy it in endless advertisements. But it isn’t real. It’s all a big, perverse lie that can do real damage in real lives…
Lost in the Forest of Grief
It’s easy to lose sight of the big picture of our lives, seeing only the “trees” that represent everyday activities and emotions of life that surround us. After the sudden death of my daughter, I found myself transplanted into a thick grove of new, unfamiliar “trees” that I didn’t know how to escape from…
Do They Even Remember Your Name?
While you were alive, your name was spoken more times than I could ever possibly count. These days, It seems the only way I can still hear your beautiful name is if I say it. It makes me wonder whether people still think of you. It makes me fear that you are already forgotten…
A “Grand Plan” Doesn’t Comfort Me
Trying to comfort someone who’s grieving with, “It’s part of God’s grand plan,” can unintentionally cause a great deal of distress or even anger. Here’s why…
Why We Can’t Just “Move On”
I and many people I know are suffering from a broken heart. Some people wonder why can’t we just get over it and move on with our lives as if everything was back to normal? Unfortunately, there isn’t an answer I could put into words that would ever satisfy them. Maybe the problem lies in the terminology being used…
Where’s the Manual for Healing from Grief?
What exactly is it to “be healed” from grief? Is it the absence of pain? Maybe it’s the ability to find happiness and joy once again. Perhaps it is to find meaning and purpose after the devastation of grief? It could be all of the above…or it could be none of the above…
A Letter to My Living Children for Mother’s Day
A mother’s open letter to her living children about the bittersweet nature of Mother’s Day after the death of their sister…
Blackbirds with Broken Wings
“Broken” is a good description of what I became in September 2009 in the wake of my 4-year-old daughter’s death. My body still worked. My mind still functioned. Out of necessity, I went back to work and back to the everyday tasks of raising three other children… but behind that façade of normalcy, I found myself not just suffering a broken heart, but a broken spirit…
What is Strength in the Face of Grief?
“You’re so strong.” If you’ve suffered the devastating loss of a loved one, you’ve probably heard the phrase. But what does it really mean, anyway? What exactly is the definition of strength in the wake of a loved one’s death?
Us vs. Them
Humans seem to love groups. Most of the time, we have the opportunity to choose what groups to belong to. We can also usually decide to leave those groups when they no longer fit us. Sometimes though, belonging to a group that separates “us vs. them” is not chosen, but forced upon us due to circumstance…