The Indifference to Deaths Caused By Covid-19

The Indifference to Deaths Caused By Covid-19

It’s distressing to see the huge, growing number of people dead from Covid-19.

But even more distressing is the apparent indifference and lack of compassion shown by society-at-large. Indifference to the devastation thrust upon hundreds of thousands of families and friends who’ve lost a loved one to this pandemic.

At the time this was written, more than 220,000 people in the United States have died in less than a year due to Covid-19. And it continues to grow. It’s estimated that the number could even double in a few months.

This ever-growing number has become merely a passing footnote in the nightly news reports. A statistic that is quickly dismissed amid the daily outrages of a polarizing political backdrop.

To be sure, the people represented in this number are anything but a statistic. Each and every one of them is beloved by their circle of family and friends.

Represented in this impersonal, sterile number are spouses, partners, lovers, mothers, fathers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, sons, daughters, nieces, nephews, and grandchildren. It represents dear friends, neighbors, coworkers, teachers, mentors, coaches, and countless other important members of our local communities. The number includes first-responders and all kinds of essential workers that made the ultimate sacrifice while serving and supporting their communities.

We hear that those who die usually die alone in medical isolation. They are unable to be with the people who love them so dearly during their last days, hours, and minutes.

There are no final embraces. No shared tears. No chance to look into each other’s eyes to convey the deep, unending love and profound impact they’ve had on their lives. Sometimes there isn’t even an opportunity to say final goodbyes—even one spoken over a phone. Many final words are left unspoken; leaving those who never got to say them with the heavy burden of guilt to carry for years on end.

Those family and friends – some of whom lost multiple loved ones to Covid-19 – are left with the impossible reality that the person they loved so dearly is suddenly gone from their lives. And all too often, they’ve lost a person who their very existence and identity is so tightly intertwined with, they can’t possibly begin to imagine how life itself can continue. They cannot understand why the whole world didn’t come to an abrupt end when their loved one took their last breath.

That is the level of devastation these deaths have wrought on so many families. And yet, so many others in our society are carrying on as if none of it matters.

Have we truly succumbed to an environment of apathy and an apparent unwillingness to sacrifice our own desires and comfort for the greater good? We seemingly lack empathy and compassion for the most vulnerable in our families and community. Many are blindly willing to sacrifice the lives of others so they can try to carry on with the lifestyle they had before Covid-19 hit our shores. We continue to see so many flock to crowded beaches, parties, and the like. We see them visiting busy stores and restaurants. And all of these scenes are usually shown with few or no masks in sight.

Have convenience, comfort, and entertainment really become more important than human lives?

Additionally, we are now living in a society that has become so embroiled in an ideological war that everything becomes politicized. The choice of whether to wear a mask and follow medical safety guidelines has become a political statement. Many people ignore the guidance of medical experts, and some go so far as label it “fake news.”

They choose instead to follow the lead of callous politicians who value holding onto their positions of power far above the lives of the constituents they were elected to serve.

All the while, the number of cases and resulting deaths continue to rise.

This virus does not discriminate. Though some groups are impacted at a higher rate than others, Covid-19 infects all age groups, sexes, and ethnicities. It doesn’t care how healthy you are, how much money you earn, or what your political affiliation is. It is a highly contagious airborne virus that anyone can breathe in and unknowingly pass on. While many who get Covid-19 show mild or no symptoms at all, without the proper precautions they can easily pass it on to many people who are not so lucky.

Thousands of people are currently lying in hospital beds with their lives hanging in the balance. And countless more are unknowingly going to follow in their footsteps.

Many will recover, but some with resulting damage that will last their lifetime. Too many others will succumb and perish. They will become part of that ever-growing statistic; a future footnote in history books. What won’t be captured in the history books are all the individual stories of grief and anguish of people all over this country (and world) who must now live with a tragic loss for the rest of their own lives.

The most devastating part of Covid-19 is the simple fact that many of these people didn’t have to die from it.

We had it in our collective power to prevent so many of these deaths. We still do. Experts told us early on how to slow the spread and flatten the curve; to vastly reduce the infection rate and death toll.

By all means, following the guidelines isn’t easy. None of it is convenient, and it causes an abundance of stress, headaches, and problems. Some people’s livelihoods are being severely challenged—but many others aren’t.

Many others aren’t following the CDC guidelines of how to protect yourself and others for one simple fact: they don’t want to and don’t care about the consequences.

I don’t know what will change the apparent tide of indifference to death and grief in our society. Perhaps it will only happen when each and every one of us suffers the loss of a loved one to this pandemic. Perhaps it requires new leadership across the board that will take this pandemic seriously. 

In the meantime, we should ask ourselves, how much value do we place on human lives during the spread of Covid-19? And then ask ourselves, what are we willing to do to protect ourselves and others? 

One simple place to start: wear a mask and vote.

 

Blackbirds with Broken Wings

Blackbirds with Broken Wings

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

– From “Blackbird” by The Beatles

So begins one of my favorite songs. I’ve loved it ever since the first time I heard it as a little girl. From the beauty of the melody to the simple combination of a voice and guitar to the inspiring message of hope. Hope for someone who’s been broken in body and spirit, and has nothing more to lose.

“Broken” is a good description of what I became in September 2009 in the wake of my 4-year-old daughter’s death.

My body still worked and my mind still functioned. Out of necessity, I went back to work and back to the everyday tasks of raising three other children. But behind that façade of normalcy, I found myself not just suffering a broken heart, but a broken spirit. Living in a broken world that had failed to follow the laws of nature, I had become the blackbird in that beautiful song. Unable to function in the world around me in the way I once did.

In my experience, once I became broken in a public way, I began to discover other broken people around me. While I sought some of them out in support groups, I found that sometimes they sought me out.

In my local community, it was as if my daughter’s death was a key that had unlocked a door that hid people’s secret identities.

Acquaintances I knew – but knew little about – suddenly trusted me with stories of their deepest heartbreak and despair. But why?

In my opinion, we live in a society that idolizes winners and treats losers with disdain. Think of the endless reality shows where we vote for the best and ever so quickly forget those we didn’t think were good enough. I look around and see so many people feeling pressured to show the world they are winners too. They work very hard to try to get the prized job with a big salary.

It doesn’t seem to matter that it often means they must sacrifice every last ounce of their free time or family time. I see endless commercials encouraging people to buy things to show their winning nature. Media promotes big houses, expensive cars, and the latest and greatest technology or gadgets that will cost a small fortune, but be out of style within months. Our societies tend to glamorize the rich and famous, while marginalizing just about everyone else.

In such a world, how could we expect anyone to willingly acknowledge they were broken?

I have witnessed first-hand the cruel judgmental attitudes and reactions of disdain or pity which make broken people feel even more broken. So, I see these broken people do the best they can to put on a façade of “winning” strength to the outside world while desperately trying to tend to their devastating wounds in the “dead of night”.

Back to the question of why these people suddenly trusted me to be witness to their broken souls? If I had to guess, it would be this: because they felt it was safe to. They had learned this basic truth about “broken” people: they can be some of the kindest, most compassionate people you will ever meet.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

What inspires this kindness and compassion? Why do so many “broken” people say they have a new understanding of what is important in their lives? In my experience, it is the result of feeling the weight of a pain so cruel and so unbearable it left me with “sunken eyes.”

These “sunken eyes” no longer allow me to see the world in the way I once did.

It took a lot of time and painful effort to learn to see clearly with my sunken eyes. With significantly reduced vision, I was forced to focus only on things essential to my very survival. In my case, it was to focus on love, my relationships with those I loved, on being honest and true to myself, and being free once and for all from the limiting thoughts that kept me tied to the world I once lived in where I never felt good enough.

My reduced vision tends to mostly block out the things I once thought I needed to be happy. I no longer feel pressure to earn as much money as I once thought I should. Or see any reason to spend time in a job that my heart isn’t in if it means reducing the precious time spent with my family. It has led me to see that money and material things will never bring any sort of worth or importance to my life.

If I am forced to live the rest of my life without my daughter, I want it to be a life filled with purpose and meaning.

My vision is focused on how I can promote my own healing and growth by using my natural strengths and skills to help others. I have found that many broken people I’ve met have the same or similar vision. In feeling compelled to help others, we  develop a new understanding of and capacity for compassion and kindness.

Blackbird fly
Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

I am no longer afraid to show the world I am broken. I will sing my song out loud in the dead of night and the light of day if it means I can show other broken people there is hope when they see none. If I can learn to fly with broken wings, anyone can.

What is my secret? I have learned to focus less on the overwhelming pain of her death and more on the profound love my daughter brought to my life in her four short years. I focus on the unending love I feel for her. That love becomes a beacon of light in the dark black night of grief…and I will follow it wherever it may take me.